Blog

I was saddened to learn of Stuart Wilde’s death on May 1st 2013 from an apparent heart attack while driving through rural Ireland. For the previous 4 years I had been a frequent visitor to his website both intrigued and engaged by his stories of visions and journeys into other worlds and dimensions. Written in his own unique style the articles were often quirky, thought provoking and layered with biographical hints and reference points which made reading them all the more thought-provoking and fascinating. Sometimes they were just plain downright strange and seemingly nonsensical; unable to be deciphered or anchored to any recognisable reference point in the collective world experience.

Whichever way they went though his writing style and the topics he explored and expanded upon always kept me returning to his website for daily updates and insights into a quite unique and, dare I say, eccentric - in that endearingly English sort of way - individual.

Like all human beings though, the picture isn’t quite so clear, the truth being a little more complex and, in certain quarters, potentially unsettling. Various suspicions and doubts were beginning to creep into my mind about the man and his motivations less than a year before he died.

Certain things were starting to not quite ring true or, at the very least, had an odd, dissonant sort of feel to them. The reported visions he received that were rarely accurate save for when they were playing the odds. The products that he promoted through his website that made some ludicrous and, highly likely, fraudulent and unprovable claims. There were many reasons I started to have doubts about the man that I could list here but I think the best place to start would be with his claim of being granted the celestial power to heal others.

I have no reason to doubt that Wilde believed he had been given this gift to heal others and was entirely sincere and genuine in that belief. The problem is, as far as I can see or tell, that there have been no independent testimonials from people who he claimed to have healed to be able to corroborate or refute this. Wilde himself though was busy placing purported testimonials of healings he had conducted on his website and reporting various successes from curing certain cancers to healing a former psychiatric inmate of demonic possession.

I’m sorry to say my own experience contradicts this, that such testimonials and statements sound a little too contrived and neat, even disconcerting with some of the claims being made.

Having met the man himself at a free street healing in Bath last July I was a little taken back by just how out of shape he looked. His breathing seemed a little laboured (which could have been due to the summer heat and the layers of clothing he wore) and, truth be told, he looked worn out, like someone who had lived a life of too many excesses. At first I put this perception down to being a little too judgmental on my part but no matter what rationalisations I tried to use (as I didn’t want to be ungenerous and mean in my impressions of the man - after all, I am far from perfect myself) it simply refused to budge. That niggling doubt - what kind of genuine healer looks overweight, drawn out and unhealthy? It doesn’t quite gel does it? A healer who looks like they themselves are in need of healing? How does that work?

And that was only the beginning. Then there were the rainforest ceremonies that he advertised through his website that promoted the use of ayahuasca to induce certain visions and transcendental experiences as a means of spiritual purging.

Now I’m not trying to bash ayahuasca or any similar, naturally occurring plant based medicine here. Under the skilled guidance and supervision of trained members of indigenous tribes long familiar with the consumption of such plants for the purposes of spiritual exploration I have no doubt that such ceremonies can be insightful and potentially beneficial. One only has to look at Rick Strassman’s research into DMT to see that this can be true. Where I take issue with Wilde and his ilk is that they describe ayahuasca as if it were an almost spiritual panacea without discussing the potentially dangerous and debilitating side-effects that some westerners have reported experiencing after partaking in such ceremonies. Intense psychological issues caused by certain ‘visions’ that persist long after the ceremony has concluded. Difficulty re-integrating into society while trying to integrate the experience into their own lives.In some cases the breakdown of relationships on many different levels and, at the very extreme, even death.

Hardly the spiritual experience(s) that most people interested in such ceremonies would expect. Looking back now I have to wonder how much of what Wilde reported in his ayahuasca journeys was little more than his own darkness, his own ego being reflected back upon himself? How many of those visions were little more than products of his own inner struggles and not genuine spiritual messages and portents? How much of his own darkness and struggle for enlightenment manifested itself in the form of visions and trance states slowly convincing Wilde that he was receiving divine messages? Was it really as he reported or was there a more delusional and possibly even sinister aspect to that? Was his interest in such ceremonies, motivated by more material concerns and, possible, predatory urges, leading to a preying on the naivety and gullibility of those genuinely seeking a meaningful spiritual experience?

I’ve come across troubling stories, in various internet forums, none of which I am able to validate nor confirm the truthfulness of, where women describe being sexually molested or preyed upon at some of these ceremonies, of people being robbed of their possessions and claims of manipulative and predatory behaviour on the part of Wilde and his crew. Like I stated earlier, I don’t know how true such reports are (or aren’t and, just so there is no doubt in anyone’s mind here, not all of those stories relate to events that Wilde was responsible for promoting) but they start to form part of a picture that begins to look more and more troubling the longer one investigates.

There are reports of Wilde turning up to seminars drunk, behaving unprofessionally throughout only to depart halfway through leaving the audience thousands of pounds out of pocket in the process. True or false? I honestly don’t know but even by his own admission and some of the tales he recounts from his own life Wilde didn’t always behave with the utmost integrity. I’m not going to go into those here but such stories and said admissions aren’t too difficult to track down if you read through articles on his website and some of the books he wrote.

There are even articles written by alleged former business partners, friends and associates who describe him in a less than flattering light. Could these be a case of simple misunderstandings? Sour grapes? Jealousy? Old grudges? Who knows?

At best there was an element of the lovable scallywag in his behaviour; that endearing rogue who charms our hearts and souls even when we recognise the naughtiness in their actions. At worst many of the points raised suggest a calculated dishonesty and manipulative behaviour; signs of a person who lacks the maturity and strength of character necessary to engage with the world honestly and to treat others and themselves properly.

I often wonder, looking back now, if Wilde wasn’t teasing his readers when he hinted at the fall of a certain guru in the new age movement. That there was an acknowledgement of his own complicity in less than spiritually inclined behaviour through such hints. Given his subsequent passing and what I’ve come across through my own research the relating of such a message seem somewhat prophetic and apt.

A part of me wanted to believe that this man was sincere. That he genuinely was a spiritual seeker who had travelled wide and far; enduring many varied and challenging experiences on his road to enlightenment. I truly wanted to believe that was the case but my initial take on Wilde from the Bath healing event only started to raise further doubts and suspicions that were intensified after his reported death.

What can I say about Stuart Wilde that would be fair, honest and accurate? Would it even be possible for me, who only ever met the man once, to be able to do that? Possibly not but, after looking into my own heart and reflecting on what I feel there, the only conclusion I can come to is that Wilde genuinely sought spiritual enlightenment and truly did want to see the best for others in this world. That he wanted to believe that there was a redemptive quality inherent in all of us but found himself, to a certain degree, held hostage by his own corruption and excesses that ultimately worked against him.

Whether that is the truth or not I do not know but, as is often the case, the lives of certain individuals are not able to be so neatly packaged and categorised, often leaving us with far more questions and conflicting feelings than we would like to admit.

Wherever you are Stuart I hope you’re resting in peace. No matter what were your reasons or motivations while alive on this planet you’ve certainly left folk back here scratching their heads. Maybe that’s a measure of a life well lived; the questions that are both posed and left unanswered. Maybe that’s as good a legacy as any of us can hope to leave, particularly in a world that often seems completely and utterly insane.

• « Return to blog
• Top